He wanted to meet yest said bought me stuff. Facial foam etc we bought when we went Genting. I went to play mj ended about 3+. He said wanna come fetch me but I didn't want. In the end I still gave in and called and asked if he wanted me to go over.

Same shit. I'm sorry, please don't give up on us blahblah. Apparantly he returned Jaime's keys. Apparantly they had a long talk. I told him I don't wanna know. Do I really? I just don't wanna get involved anymore. She's online now i wonder if she'll tell me of her own accord. I left after a while and came home but as usual couldn't stand things hanging like this.

We talked on the phone for 1 hr+. With him advising me as a friend. I really don't know what to do? I can't stop caring for him. He said take baby steps to build up the trust again. Start going out again, get to know each other better. I've heard this time and again. My question is: Even w/o Jaime or other girls, when will our quarrels start again? When will he feel insecure again? Might as well don't start right?

Almost went bonkers yesterday. Think it was the whole interview plus him thing. I shouldn't let myself fall into it again. He told me I don't have to put in any effort, to protect myself and I could see other people too if I want. That sounded familiar too. When I tried to protect myself the last time I got fucked isn't it?

I told him all i want is a simple relationship. Someone who loves me and me only wholeheartedly. I don't need to stay in a condo, I don't need MX 5. I just wanna know that even IF i were to be unreasonable, demanding, irrational at times, the person would still love me and give in to me. That's the essence isn't it? That girls love to be pampered, to feel loved and needed.

Still no resolution. Wait and see? I told him if I could do it the way he suggested, I don't need him. If I can be friends with you why do I need you as a bf? If i can live w/o you do I really need you? Yes we both agree time apart can work both ways. Just like everytime you only calm down and think about it in your own time, and usually I'm left to deal with the mess myself, if i'm already standing when you come to give me your hand, why do I still need it?

Suddenly thought of an analogy. It's like if you and I were playing tennis, and you made this terrific shot that made me fall. Say I twisted my ankle and needed help. Before you could come over from the other side or by the time you came over, if I had already stood up and limped to a chair myself, why do I still need your help? Should I always just stay on the ground waiting for you?

Of cos i'm human too. Of cos I still love you and you don't know how much I wish this will work out. I'm so scared. That by taking these baby steps, expectations would come in again. Although you say that you would do your best to live up to those expectations, you can understand why I don't believe that anymore.

So how? =(

Shall I put up my pic to scare? Haha


Toyota MR Spyder - ON HOLD
Driving license - FAILED! =(
Diving license
Visit bro in Tokyo
Beach holiday (Bali/Phuket)
Orlando Disney
LD package
Zoom!
New wardrobe
Lose 3 kg
Dog
New sport (wakeboard/sailing)
Jap goodies - GOT THEM! Thankies bro!

Are we only allowed 3?? =p


Don't sweat the small stuff

Be more patient

Save more



Sammie
Pika
Pamela
Ah Fen
Melmel
Feng Po Zi
Shyan
Corey
Eugene
Cheechee@Dubai
Cheechee's Musings






Purest Of Pain

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender just to hear your voice
I know how many times I said I'm gonna to live without you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know
that deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.

Vida, give me back my fantasies
the courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe
Carino mio, my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste
the purest of pain.

I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt me when you walked away
but to tell you the truth I can't find my way
and deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.
Vida, give me back...